in retrospect…

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as a child, i have no worries except where to play, when my next meal will be, and what time i have to go home to sleep, no worries for the next day, except more of the same… mundane? yes… simple? at the time? no…

as a teenager, my worries grew to such proportions that i found myself worrying not only for myself, but also for others… i was already working at an early age, i already have scores of responsibility, and i already answer to a lot of people… this went on until college, when i have to work on 2 jobs, go to school, and manage a school paper all at the same time…

and through all these, the only thing that does not change was my idealism… that i will not forsake what i believe in, simply to earn money, or to make friends, or to be liked… that i will not stoop to what i know was wrong, simply to make my betters feel happy about me… i wasn’t an ass-kisser… never was, and never will…

or so i thought…

now that i am a little more older and, i hope, wiser, i was forced to stoop to people who know nothing but to push pencils around as well as push people around… i am being regulated by a lot of corporate shit that i am already up to my neck in it… it wouldn’t have been worse if i really don’t know better, but the fact remains that their solution is far more expensive [and much harder to implement] than mine… but who am i, eh?

i have had encounters before with bosses who don’t know anything, and yet maintain that they need to control me… control my budget? no… more like control what i do… i have proven in the past that my solutions far outweight theirs, but because of “nakasanayan na yan e” attitude (”that is how it was done before“)… and now, i am stuck in this job that allows me only a liitle bit of freedom, gets the most out of me, and leaves me wanting to kill myself at the end of the day…

but do i have to take these sitting down??

no… i can do several things, really…

one is to show them that I can do what i was hired to do… they hired me to do a particular job, then they must trust that i will do it to the best of my ability… the problem is, someone looks over my shoulders everytime i make a move, and that makes it doubly harder, since i feel like i am under a microscope… haayysss

second, i can look for another job… i know, easier said than done… but what can i do?? except…

third, take all of these sitting down… i can just simply go along with the flow, not really caring whether the project is doable or not, whether the things they are doing are correct or not… i will just be manager by name…

now, question is: what shall i do??

what do you think??

Ciao, sweetie…

Posted in Personal, Work